Will This Be Us ???????

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
  • Astraltraveller
    General

    • Jul 2006
    • 4006

    Will This Be Us ???????

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her
    car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her
    situation
    to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the
    brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.

    The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few
    minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says "She got in
    the back-seat by mistake."
    _______________

    FAMILY

    Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night
    the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She
    yells
    to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

    The 94-year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She
    starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

    The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening
    to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get
    that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help
    both
    of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
    ______________________________________

    "I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"

    Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine
    March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"

    "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."

    And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
    _______________________________________

    SUPERSEX

    A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
    As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
    "Supersex.." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping
    her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."

    He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take
    the soup."
    ________________________________

    ROMANCE

    An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling
    asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She
    said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he
    reached
    across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A
    few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me. "Mildly
    irritated,
    he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to
    sleep. Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck."
    Angrily, he threw back the bedclothes and got out of bed. "Where are
    you
    going?" she asked.

    "To get my teeth!"
    _______________________________________

    DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER

    80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home.
    She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can
    guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!"

    An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"

    Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
    _______________________________________

    OLD FRIENDS

    Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years,
    they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
    activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play
    cards.
    One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and
    said, "Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long
    time
    but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I
    can't
    remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

    Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared
    and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
    _______________________________________

    SENIOR DRIVING

    As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
    Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I
    just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on
    Interstate 77. Please be careful!"

    "Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
    _______________________________________

    DRIVING

    Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely
    see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
    intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
    The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing
    it. I
    could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more
    minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red
    again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat
    was
    almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that
    she was losing it. She was getting nervous At the next intersection,
    sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she
    turned to! the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we
    just ran
    through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"

    Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"

    Manny(THE ALIEN LEADER)
    Click Here to See the Vodaliens Album & Join the Club!! Sendyour personal photo to be alienated to the Vodalien Group


    www.astralengineering.net
    www.masqueradecreations.com
  • Dream Lady
    Major General

    • Feb 2006
    • 2036

    #2
    Re: Will This Be Us ???????

    Those are great!!
    Cindy Smentowski

    Comment

    • LadyEye
      General & Forum Moderator

      • Jun 2006
      • 10526

      #3
      Re: Will This Be Us ???????

      omg ... these are too too funny ... thanks for sharing Astral ....

      I really like the Soup One!! "Supersex" lmao

      And the senior driving, know all about it, my grandfather did that .... oh yeah, the police brought him home ....

      oh my ..... lol .... too too funny ...

      VodaHost

      Your Website People!
      1-302-283-3777 North America / International
      02036089024 / United Kingdom
      291916438 / Australia

      ------------------------

      Top 3 Best Sellers

      Web Hosting - Unlimited disk space & bandwidth.

      Reseller Hosting - Start your own web hosting business.

      Search Engine & Directory Submission - 300 directories + (Google,Yahoo,Bing)


      Comment

      • royb
        Major General

        • Mar 2006
        • 2483

        #4
        Re: Will This Be Us ???????

        Very good. It will be us all one day.


        http://www.plusplace.co.uk
        royb@plusplace.co.uk

        Comment

        • asirimarco
          Brigadier General

          • Jun 2006
          • 1208

          #5
          Re: Will This Be Us ???????

          "I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"

          Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine
          March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"

          "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."

          And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
          _______________________________________
          reminds me of many lunches i went to with my dear departed mother and her "old lady" (her description not mine.) friends. i was never sure what the conversation was about - not sure they were either.
          Ann
          www.MovingOn1.com - My Travel
          www.BeadedCustomDesigns.com - Jewelry
          www.FantasyManorArtStudio.com - Leather Art

          Comment

          • limebrook1
            Brigadier General

            • Jun 2005
            • 1583

            #6
            Re: Will This Be Us ???????

            Good ones - I think I'm getting there though. I have two deputies at work, one called Roy, one called Paul. On an daily basis I speak to one and say something like 'I'll get Paul to...' and he'll reply 'I am Paul!' Or Roy. They're nothing like each other either!!!
            Trish
            www.Limebrook.com
            www.MountainWalk.co.uk
            www.MyBeardedDragons.co.uk
            www.TucsonForBeginners.com
            www.Pets4kids.info

            Comment

            • Astraltraveller
              General

              • Jul 2006
              • 4006

              #7
              Re: Will This Be Us ???????

              I'm GLAD you ladies enjoyed them..... will keep posting more as soon as my lady friend send me a few more.....LOL

              Manny(THE ALIEN LEADER)
              Click Here to See the Vodaliens Album & Join the Club!! Sendyour personal photo to be alienated to the Vodalien Group


              www.astralengineering.net
              www.masqueradecreations.com

              Comment

              • choco777
                Brigadier General

                • Apr 2006
                • 1526

                #8
                Re: Will This Be Us ???????

                Those were halarious, too bad we can't hear all those old age things sneaking up on us.
                Choco777
                www.mayatabasco.com


                Comment

                • Astraltraveller
                  General

                  • Jul 2006
                  • 4006

                  #9
                  Re: Will This Be Us ???????

                  Originally posted by royb
                  Very good. It will be us all one day.
                  Makes us wonder doesn't it Roy.....?

                  Manny(THE ALIEN LEADER)
                  Click Here to See the Vodaliens Album & Join the Club!! Sendyour personal photo to be alienated to the Vodalien Group


                  www.astralengineering.net
                  www.masqueradecreations.com

                  Comment

                  • LadyEye
                    General & Forum Moderator

                    • Jun 2006
                    • 10526

                    #10
                    Re: Will This Be Us ???????

                    Originally posted by choco777
                    Those were halarious, too bad we can't hear all those old age things sneaking up on us.

                    What did you say Choco, I didn't hear you ...... lol



                    VodaHost

                    Your Website People!
                    1-302-283-3777 North America / International
                    02036089024 / United Kingdom
                    291916438 / Australia

                    ------------------------

                    Top 3 Best Sellers

                    Web Hosting - Unlimited disk space & bandwidth.

                    Reseller Hosting - Start your own web hosting business.

                    Search Engine & Directory Submission - 300 directories + (Google,Yahoo,Bing)


                    Comment

                    Working...
                    X