Company Policy

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  • Stroke.nz
    The Man

    • May 2005
    • 188

    Company Policy

    Brad I think you should get the Voda Team doing all below :)

    VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

    Company Policy: Effective from April 2006

    Dress Code
    It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your
    salary. If we see you wearing ***** ***** and carrying a *****
    bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do
    not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
    your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not
    need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to
    be and therefore you do not need a raise.

    Sick Days

    We will no longer accept a doctors statement as proof of sickness. If you
    are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

    Annual Leave Days
    Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year. They
    are called Saturday & Sunday.

    Bereavement Leave
    This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do
    for deadfriends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to
    have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where
    employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
    late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your
    lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

    Toilet Use
    Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is
    now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end
    of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will
    retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After
    your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company
    bulletin board under the Chronic offenders category.

    Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the
    company's mental health policy.

    Lunch Break

    Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat
    more, sothat they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes
    for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby
    people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink
    a Slim-Fast.

    Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to
    provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions,
    comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
    insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's,
    consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

    Regards,

    The Management
    Dave Hickey

    www.youngstroke.org.nz

    www.eko.co.nz
  • Mook25
    Brigadier General

    • Oct 2005
    • 1427

    #2
    Re: Company Policy

    This sounds just like my job as a civil servant!!! Did you pull this off the wall of a jobcentre staff room wall????? You forgot to mention about health and saftey tho.....tut tut. At present the following are not allowed in our office due to health and saftey.

    Drying up cloths
    Fridges
    microwaves
    christmas decorations
    birthday cards

    And a few more i can't remember about or it's so stupid that you really wouldn't remember it. lol
    Arcade Ninja - Free Flash Arcade
    FreeGadget4me.Com - Learn how to get free gadgets delivered direct to your door for free

    Comment

    • kassi59
      Major General

      • Nov 2005
      • 2771

      #3
      Re: Company Policy

      haha..good one.

      Comment

      • C L
        General

        • Jul 2006
        • 5561

        #4
        Re: Company Policy

        lol

        Comment

        • Astraltraveller
          General

          • Jul 2006
          • 4006

          #5
          Re: Company Policy

          Nice one.....lol

          Manny(THE ALIEN LEADER)
          Click Here to See the Vodaliens Album & Join the Club!! Sendyour personal photo to be alienated to the Vodalien Group


          www.astralengineering.net
          www.masqueradecreations.com

          Comment

          • Vasili
            Moderator

            • Mar 2006
            • 14683

            #6
            Re: Company Policy

            And people wonder why I am so set on shifting Sales to telecommuter positions.....

            LOL

            (it is much easier to deal only with issues regarding caffeine levels when sitting in front of the monitor at my desk)
            . VodaWebs....Luxury Group
            * Success Is Potential Realized *

            Comment

            • LadyEye
              General & Forum Moderator

              • Jun 2006
              • 10526

              #7
              Re: Company Policy

              lol .... sounds like it was written by a company policy abuser ... one who stayed in the stall longer than three minutes ... lol

              VodaHost

              Your Website People!
              1-302-283-3777 North America / International
              02036089024 / United Kingdom
              291916438 / Australia

              ------------------------

              Top 3 Best Sellers

              Web Hosting - Unlimited disk space & bandwidth.

              Reseller Hosting - Start your own web hosting business.

              Search Engine & Directory Submission - 300 directories + (Google,Yahoo,Bing)


              Comment

              • Vasili
                Moderator

                • Mar 2006
                • 14683

                #8
                Re: Company Policy

                < or pulled the fire alarm too many times....or barricaded the cafeteria to get all the cheese danish......or covered an entire office with sticky notes.....or hid all the telephone reciever cords.....or removed every bottle of whiteout in an effort to stress accuracy.....you get the idea! >

                LOL
                . VodaWebs....Luxury Group
                * Success Is Potential Realized *

                Comment

                • LadyEye
                  General & Forum Moderator

                  • Jun 2006
                  • 10526

                  #9
                  Re: Company Policy

                  yeah lol .... sounds just like the time, oh my back when, as a class we hid ourselves from our teacher, Mr. Christie and when found we yelled "Mr. Christie, you make good cookies" lol ..... there wasn't a thing he could do with us, he loved it, he was truly special 4 sure .... oh my ....

                  VodaHost

                  Your Website People!
                  1-302-283-3777 North America / International
                  02036089024 / United Kingdom
                  291916438 / Australia

                  ------------------------

                  Top 3 Best Sellers

                  Web Hosting - Unlimited disk space & bandwidth.

                  Reseller Hosting - Start your own web hosting business.

                  Search Engine & Directory Submission - 300 directories + (Google,Yahoo,Bing)


                  Comment

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