The Dreaded Public Bathroom!

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  • kassi59
    Major General

    • Nov 2005
    • 2771

    The Dreaded Public Bathroom!

    When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line
    of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's
    Your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall
    Is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly
    Knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the
    Door won't latch. It doesn't matter.

    The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's
    Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the
    door hook, if there were one, but there isn't - so you carefully but
    Quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her
    Grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and
    Assume "The Stance."

    In this position your toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.
    You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to
    Wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."

    To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what
    You discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your
    Mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had
    tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet
    paper!" Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that
    You blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. That
    would have to do.

    You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than
    Your thumbnail. Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch
    doesn't work.

    The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in
    Front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward
    Against the tank of the toilet.

    "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your
    Precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose
    Your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
    It is wet of course.

    You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare
    Bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form
    On the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper -
    Not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.

    You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew,
    Because, you're certain, her bare bottom never touched a public
    Toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what
    Kind of *******s you could get."

    By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is
    So confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a
    Firehose that somehow sucks everything down with such force that
    You grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being
    Dragged in too. At that point, you give up.

    You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.
    You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in
    Your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You
    Can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic
    Sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel
    And walk past the line of women, still waiting.

    You are no longer able to smile politely to them.
    A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of
    Toilet paper trailing from your ****. ( Where was that when you
    NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your ****, plunk it the
    woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

    As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered,
    Used and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took
    You so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"
    This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public
    Restroom (rest??? you've got to be kidding!!).

    It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also
    Answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to
    The restroom in pairs.. It's so the other gal can hold the door,
    hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door
  • Astraltraveller
    General

    • Jul 2006
    • 4006

    #2
    Re: The Dreaded Public Bathroom!

    OMG......LOL
    Sure they were designed by woman for woman with woman's needs in mind.....lol

    Cute one Kate......lmao

    Manny(THE ALIEN LEADER)
    Click Here to See the Vodaliens Album & Join the Club!! Sendyour personal photo to be alienated to the Vodalien Group


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    Comment

    • LadyEye
      General & Forum Moderator

      • Jun 2006
      • 10526

      #3
      Re: The Dreaded Public Bathroom!

      Now that's a total nightmare ..... And definitely so right, with that purse in flight (oops rhyming again, lol) but it's surely one of those things that get set on the floor and plunked on someone's table .... ewww ... oh my, so easy being a guy.

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      • C L
        General

        • Jul 2006
        • 5561

        #4
        Re: The Dreaded Public Bathroom!

        lol Kate

        Comment

        • Mook25
          Brigadier General

          • Oct 2005
          • 1427

          #5
          Re: The Dreaded Public Bathroom!

          I always wondered. I thought they went in pairs to gossip and put on makeup. You learn something new everyday! lol
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          Comment

          • lovethatbluegrassmusic
            Major

            • Jul 2006
            • 495

            #6
            Re: The Dreaded Public Bathroom!

            And all this time I thought there was a public phone and tv in those womens
            restrooms taking up their time!
            Brad Arnold.......
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            • LadyEye
              General & Forum Moderator

              • Jun 2006
              • 10526

              #7
              Re: The Dreaded Public Bathroom!

              lol .... you guys are almost even funnier than the joke itself ... it's funny to find out what you all were thinking went on in there ... lmao

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