A Big Thanks For Those Emails ...lol

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  • LadyEye
    General & Forum Moderator

    • Jun 2006
    • 10526

    A Big Thanks For Those Emails ...lol

    To All My Friends Who Have Barraged Me With Those Countless Informative E-mail's, Thought I Would Show My Appreciation With A Big Thanks !

    To Whoever Sent Me the One about Rat Poop in the Glue on Envelopes because I Now Have To Use A Wet Towel with Every Envelope That Needs Sealing.
    Also, I Now Have To Scrub the Top of Every Can I open For the Same Reason.
    I No Longer Have Any Savings Because I Gave It To A Sick Girl (Penny Brown) Who Is About To Die In The Hospital For The 1,387,258th Time But That Will Change Once I Receive The $15,000 That Bill Gates/Microsoft And AOL Are Sending Me For Participating In Their Special E-mail Program.

    I No Longer Worry About My Soul Because I Have 363,214 Angels Looking Out For Me, And St. Theresa's Novena Has Granted My Every Wish.

    I No Longer Eat KFC Because Their Chickens Are Actually Horrible Mutant Freaks With No Eyes Or Feathers As Soon As I Get My Free Dinner Coupons From *****bee's, I Can Eat Again.

    I No Longer Use Cancer-Causing Deodorants Even Though I Smell Like a Water Buffalo on a Hot Day.

    Thanks To You, I Have Learned That My Prayers Only Get Answered If I Forward An Email To Seven Of My Friends And Make A Wish Within Five Minutes.
    Because Of Your Concern I No Longer Drink Coca Cola Because It Can Remove Toilet Stains.

    I No Longer Can Buy Gasoline Without Taking A Man Along To Watch The Car So A Serial Killer Won't Crawl In My Back Seat When I'm Pumping Gas.

    I No Longer Drink Pepsi Or Dr. Pepper Since The People Who Make These Products Are Atheists Who Refuse To Put "Under God" On Their Cans.

    I No Longer Use Saran Wrap In The Microwave Because It Causes Cancer.

    And Thanks For Letting Me Know I Can't Boil a Cup of Water In The Microwave Anymore Because It Will Blow Up In My Face, Disfiguring Me for Life.

    I No Longer Check The Coin Return On Pay Phones Because I Could Be Pricked With A Needle Infected With Aids.

    I No Longer Go To Shopping Malls Because Someone Will Drug Me With a Perfume Sample And Rob Me.

    I No Longer Receive Packages From UPS Or Fed-ex Since They Are Actually Al Qaeda In Disguise.

    I No Longer Shop At Target Since They Are French And Don't Support Our American Troops Or The Salvation Army.

    I No Longer Answer the Phone Because Someone Will Ask Me To Dial A Number For Which I Will Get A Phone Bill Totaling $2,374.76 With Calls To
    Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, And Uzbekistan
    .

    I No Longer Have Any Sneakers -- But That Will Change Once I Receive My Free Replacement Pair From ****.

    I No Longer Buy Expensive Cookies From Neiman Marcus Since I Now Have Their Recipe.

    And Thanks To Your Great Advice, I Can't Ever Pick Up $5.00 Dropped In The Parking Lot Because It Probably Was Placed There By A Sex Molester Waiting Underneath My Car To Grab My Leg.

    Oh, and Don't Forget This One Either!
    I Can No Longer Drive My Car Because I Can't Buy Gas From Certain Gas Companies!

    Thanks To You, I Can't Use Anyone's Toilet But Mine Because A Big Brown African Spider Is Lurking Under The Seat To Cause Me Instant Death When It Bites My Ass.

    And Remember, If You Don't Send This E-mail To At Least 144,000 People In The Next 7 Minutes, A Large Dove With Diarrhea Will Land On Your Head At 5:00 PM This Afternoon And The Fleas From 12 Camels Will Infest Your Back, Causing You To Grow A Hairy Hump.

    I Know This Will Occur Because It Actually Happened To A Friend Of My Next Door Neighbour's Ex-Mother-In-law's Second Husband's Cousin's Beautician ...
    Thank you, and Have A Wonderful Day.... But most of all. zzzzzzz—zz

    Oh! One Last Bit Of Noteworthy News:
    South American Scientists from
    Argentina, after a Lengthy Study, Discovered That People with Insufficient Brain and Sexual Activity; Read Their E-mail with Their Hand On The Mouse.

    Don't Bother Taking It Off Now, It's Too Late.

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  • bill2006
    Lieutenant General

    • May 2006
    • 3421

    #2
    Re: A Big Thanks For Those Emails ...lol

    Lol,
    funny
    Bill
    www.blueearthtea.com
    www.ftaaconsulting.com
    www.iaval.com
    www.theemeraldbay.com

    Comment

    • slaughter2
      Corporal

      • Nov 2006
      • 18

      #3
      Re: A Big Thanks For Those Emails ...lol

      lol i like that that was funny

      Comment

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