The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Subject: The talking clock....



A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

"What's with that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock", the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend."

Yup", replied the drunk.

"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.

"Watch", the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You freaking drunk! Don't you know it's one-fifteen in the morning??"

[LadyEye]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

lol Good one Vasili ....

Isn't that so perfect,

I am rather glad that I do not live in such "close quarters" though ...

too funny ...

[C L]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

lol, some good ones Vasili

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

You girls are getting poofy! (there are a few ahead of this one, you know....apparently Robyn reads threads and Sistah does NOT!) LOL

[C L]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

nah na nah na na....LE lol


ssssssssh hiding some eggs...........

[Easter Bunny]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

hey..........that's my job, oh well, hiding some more

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Hiding eggs, or hiding threads?
Hmmmm.........

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Anyone collect any good ones over the weekend?

[LadyEye]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Anyone collect any good ones over the weekend?

Yes, I had some filled with peanut butter, and the odd nut ...

But, Cindy seemed to do most of the collecting, wonder how that "sporty egg car" of her made out ...

Ah, you weren't asking about that, you were looking for a joke ... okay, well I hope I humored you anyway and Eye'll see what Eye can find!!

Standby for a "Real Good Nasty One" lol

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Lose the inscet first, though....makes me "bug-eyed"!
LOL

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

A man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches Maxine, who's sitting by herself...

Man: "May I buy you a cocktail?"
Maxine: "No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs."

Man: "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"

Maxine: "No, they spread."

[LadyEye]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Lose the inscet first, though....makes me "bug-eyed"!
LOL

Can't lose da bugger, lol, I like him too much, you see I've adopted him, maybe later ... lol and only if he finds a new home, now be nice if you are house looking for him ....

Is this you Vasili ... lol

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Your bug is probably going to outlive my tenure in VT.....seems many of the threads I've posted in have suddenly "disappeared" after I have been unjustifiably "swatted" by malcontent NCO's to which I matter-of-factly replied (standing ground, as Race suggested earlier)........

[larazovich]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!!!

People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.........And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the the curtain rods!!!!!!

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

THREE THINGS TO THINK ABOUT:

1. COWS
2. THE CONSTITUTION, and
3. THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.

THE CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 Years and it's obvious we're not using it anymore.

TEN COMMANDMENTS
The real Reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse........
You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians -- it creates a hostile work environment.