The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

[D'son]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Last Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer
and watching my wife mow the lawn. The neighbour lady from across the
street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, 'You
should be hung!'


I took a drink from my can of Bud Lite, wiped the cold foam from my
lips, lifted my darkened Ray Ban sunglasses and stared directly into
the eyes of this nosey-ass neighbour and then calmly replied,

'I am. That's why she cuts the grass.'

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Arrrggghhhh! Retold like a true Pirate, for sure!

CircusPet, you old barnacle! Where are you?? Seems we have a new shipmate!


* Funny bird, this neighbor .... didn't she wonder why you were wearing long pants instead of shorts on such a sweltering hot day?? Har-Har-harrrrr!

[bschomp]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

LOL good one Ed.

here's one have to blip out the naughty words but you can guess what they are.

A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house.
They don’t want the cat shut in the house because “she” always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.
The wife doesn’t want the driver to know the house will be empty.She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon.”He’s just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother.”
A few minute! s later, the husband gets into the cab. “Sorry I took so long,” he says, as they drive away.
“Stupid ** was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat butt downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!”
The cabdriver hit a parked car…

[D'son]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Arrrggghhhh! Retold like a true Pirate, for sure!

CircusPet, you old barnacle! Where are you?? Seems we have a new shipmate!


* Funny bird, this neighbor .... didn't she wonder why you were wearing long pants instead of shorts on such a sweltering hot day?? Har-Har-harrrrr!

Cool I get to be a pirate? Can I wear an eye patch and walk around saying Aaarrrrrrrgggggghhhhh! like you?

[bschomp]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

[jkadin]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?

You have been with me through all the bad times.

When I got fired, you were there to support me.

When my business failed, you were there.

When I got shot, you were by my side.

When we lost the house, you stayed right here.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side...You know what?"

"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck, get the hell away from me."

[sedona]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

and then the fight started......

(funny, Joe!)

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

All this bickering .... Whew! Gets me thinking, though ....

I say we should just go back to every man packing a six-shooter and let the notion of being always "politically correct" yield to the re-emergence of personal accountability!
Should see a dramatic difference in how "social etiquette," "common decency" and "respect for others" re-shape how people interact on a daily basis!
Could even be THEN people will learn to speak English accordingly, at least to avoid getting into trouble by being able to understand what is going on around them!

Kill three birds with one stone, and clean house of those with rocks in their heads!


I always wondered why they allowed Driver's Tests in foreign languages if all the signs are in English.......or why they have multi-lingual ballots if they don't intend to obey the Law of The Land anyway!

AM I BAD OR WHAT??? LOL

[Tom Finley]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

I volunteer to be Benevolent Dictator.

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

There is only ONE "Generalissimo" in VodaLand, Tommy! (having been personally appointed by General V many moons ago)

And, as for the rest of the "Lands" I am pretty sure there will be some stiff competition!

LOLOL

[SAman]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

No General you are not bad, you just have the strength to say what is on alot of peoples minds but are too sheepish to say anything. I agree completely!!

[D'son]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Ohhh!!! Please don't let me get started. Kill all the politicians and start over are my thoughts.

[SAman]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

It's nice to the boss.

[D'son]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

It's nice to the boss.

**** I'm not even in the pitcher......I'm way down at the bottom buried in the S**T.

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

It's better to be a vulture: at least when you're hungry, you can go out and kill something rather than wait!

And you get to roost alone, instead of like those hawks who don't know S*#@ from Sunshine, and buzzards who are road-kill bums!