The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Good one, Patsy! Good to see you too!

[sedona]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Hi Patsy, good 2cu... Funny!

[SAman]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

I like that one Patsy........................

Generalissmo, When I went to my 30th (years ago) I was surpised how some had changed and some hadn't, did you find that? All the strange ones got some how normal, and the others got stranger......................

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Generalissmo, When I went to my 30th (years ago) I was surpised how some had changed and some hadn't, did you find that? All the strange ones got some how normal, and the others got stranger.

Couldn't agree more! It's like the older we get, the more we regress or something! Here we are --- captains of industry, judges, world famous surgeons, mega-business owners, etc. all acting just like we did when we were 17. Same jokes, observations about others, little gossips, and ability to laugh all night long. It was very weird to hear our frivolity punctuated by mentions of kids going to college and things when our minds were racing to recall all the details of our kinship locked in years past.
Made the walk to the car very strange indeed!

[kadm]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Friend Needed :


Kathy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help.
One day, during recess, Kathy noticed a young girl standing by herself on one side of the playing field while the rest of the kids were playing a game of soccer.
A while later, Kathy walked over to the young girl and offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"
The girl looked at Kathy suspiciously, then said hesitantly, "Okay, I guess so..."
"Why are you standing here all alone?" asked Kathy.
"Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"

[kadm]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

What a frog :


A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Hey bartender. If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?" The bartender says "sure" and the drunk pulls a frog out of his pocket and sets it down on the table. The frog then plays the best jazz the bartender heard in years and he gives the drunk his free drink. The drunk says "Hey bartender. If I show you another trick will you give me another free drink?" The bartender says "If it's anything like the trick you just showed me, you can drink the rest of the night for free." So the drunk pulls a rat out of his pocket and the rat starts singing. The bartender starts pouring drinks for the drunk as fast as the drunk could drink them. Two hours later, an agent walks into a bar and sees the frog and the rat. He walks up to the bartender and says "That's the greatest act I've seen in years. Who owns that act?" The bartender points to the drunk who's passed out on the floor and says "He does." The agent wakes the drunk and says "That's the greatest act I’ve seen in years. I'll give you $100,000 for that act." The drunk says "There not for sale." "Ok," the agent says "then I'll give you $50,000 for the singing rat." "It's a deal" the drunk says so the agent gives him the money and leaves with the rat. "I can't believe you! You had a million dollar rat there you just passed it up for a measly 50 grand" the bartender yells. "Relax," said the drunk, "The frog's a ventriloquist."

[kadm]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Doggone brilliant :


A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.
So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The dachshund thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here." Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund nearly had me." Meanwhile, a monkey, who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes.
But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine." Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet ... and, just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says..................
"Where's that darn monkey? Sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

[karenwms63]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

OMG.....Marketing....at its FINEST!.....lol......two excellent jokes kadm

[karenwms63]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Had to comment cause DA DEMENTED one, ma mere, ........she loves da dachsund.......damn smart dogs,...funniest true life site I ever saw

was a fight twixt dachsund and Doberman Pinscher...twas priceless...the look on the Dobie's face when the short one disappeared beneath him.......and turned to bite him in the butt, gotta love the short one...lol

[raganok]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

[quote=patsy121105;261524]Just popped in to say "Hello"

The Parrot

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot..
There was a sign on the cage that said £100.00
'Why so little,' she asked the pet storeowner.
The owner looked at her and said, 'Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vu**ar stuff.'
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way.
She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, 'New house, new madam.'
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought 'that's really not so bad.'
When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said,
'New house, new madam, new girls.'
The girls and the woman began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said,
'Hi, Keith!


lol......very good one patsy hah aha ha ha ha its really funny

[karenwms63]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Never Choke in a restaurant in the Hills.............

Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whisky, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Great one!

[sedona]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Funny Karen:)

[patsy121105]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Little Old Wine Drinker Me - and now I know why!

As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
in beer there is freedom,
in water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated
that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in faeces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember:
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health.
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
than to drink water and be full of shi*.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service

[sedona]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Well thank you, Patsy, darn kind of you and fits in with my thinking :)