The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

[C L]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

lol, lots of laughs in this thread.........good ones!

[C L]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!



"Child Proofing"

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

"Child Proofing"

Must've been a big sale at the mall???

[LadyEye]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

The Knob .... careful ladies .... lol

A woman visited her plastic surgeon who told her about a new
procedure called "The Knob," where a small knob is placed at the
top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin
and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift. Of course, the
woman wanted "The Knob."
Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and
the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and
vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two
problems.

All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had
to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But
now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these
terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them."

The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags,
those are your boobs."
She said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the
goatee."

lol ...........

[Dori]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

The Knob .... careful ladies .... lol

A woman visited her plastic surgeon who told her about a new
procedure called "The Knob," where a small knob is placed at the
top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin
and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift. Of course, the
woman wanted "The Knob."
Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and
the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and
vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two
problems.

All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had
to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But
now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these
terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them."

The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags,
those are your boobs."
She said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the
goatee."

lol ...........

ROFLMAO

[Dream Lady]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Negative People:
This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less makes your life miserable.


A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her boyfriend. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome.


So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late.

So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced.

Whatcha doing when you get there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser." You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."


A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome. "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class.


The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old
steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great. They'd
just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "That's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a ***** Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked
through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."



"Oh, really! What'd he say?"
"He said, 'Where'd you get the ****ty hairdo?'"

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

The hairdo was hiding her Knob???

[LadyEye]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

From the Good Fairy to You 'All .... :)


http://i87.photobucket.com/albums/k1...g?t=1169227420

[LadyEye]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Wet Pants


Come with me to a third grade classroom... ..

There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there
is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet. He thinks
his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how this has
happened.

It has never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find out he
will never hear the end of it. When the girls find out, they'll never speak
to him again as long as he lives.

The boy believes his heart is going to stop. He puts his head down and
prays this prayer,

"Dear God, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes from now I'm
dead meat."

He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her
eyes that says he has been discovered.

As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named Susie is carrying a
goldfish bowl that is filled with water. Susie trips in front of the
teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the boy's lap.

The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is saying to himself,
"Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!"

Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of ridicule, the boy is
the object of sympathy.

The teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym shorts to put on while
his pants dry out.

All the other children are on their hands and knees cleaning up around his
desk.

The sympathy is wonderful, but as life would have it, the ridicule that
should have been his has been transferred to someone else - Susie.

She tries to help, but they tell her to get out. You've done enough, you
klutz!"

Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting for the bus, the boy
walks over to Susie and whispers, "You did that on purpose, didn't you?"

Susie whispers back, "I wet my pants once too."

May God help us see the opportunities that are always around us to do good.

Remember.... .Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more
than standing in your garage makes you a car.

I not only love the story --- I love this last quote!

I hope that in the coming years there will be many people with fish bowls
around me.


--
People will forget what you said,
People will forget what you did,
But people will never forget
How you made them feel.

[choco777]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Love the "knob" LE. well I guess that sounds o.k.

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

--
People will forget what you said,
People will forget what you did,
But people will never forget
How you made them feel.

So very true, and so simple it is mostly ignored....
I often measure my actions by asking if it will matter in 100 years, and unless it positively impacts others and becomes a living enhancement, there probably won't be any residual benefit and is not a big deal......

Thanks, Holly!

[larazovich]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Subject: State Trooper
In most of the United States, there is a policy of checking on any stalled vehicle on the highway when the temperatures drop down to single digits or below.

About 3 AM, one very cold morning, Trooper Allan Nixon #658 responded to a call there was a car off the shoulder of the road outside Shattuck. He located the car, stuck in deep snow, and with the engine still running.

Pulling in behind the car with his emergency lights on, the Trooper walked to the driver's door to find an older man passed out behind the wheel with a nearly empty vodka bottle on the seat beside him.

The driver came awake when the Trooper tapped on the window. Seeing the rotating lights in his rearview mirror, and the State Trooper standing next to his car, the man panicked.

He jerked the gearshift into 'drive' and hit the gas. The car's speedometer was showing 20-30-40 and then 50 mph, but it was still stuck in the snow, wheels spinning.

Trooper Nixon, having a sense of humor, began running in place next to the speeding, but still stationary car. The driver was Totally freaked, thinking the Trooper was actually keeping up with him.

This goes on for about 30 seconds, then the Trooper yelled, "Pull over!"

The man obeyed, turned his wheel and stopped the engine.

Needless to say, the man from Dumas, Texas was arrested, and is probably still shaking his head over the State Trooper in Oklahoma who could run 50 miles per hour.

Who says Trooper's don't have a sense of humor?

[LadyEye]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

yw Vasili ... tis true though isn't it! .... 100 years ... oh my ... I think that's about 95 more than the standard isn't it?


That's a funny one Liz ...

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

She's got a million of 'em, I'm sure!

[LadyEye]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Sharing everything

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.

The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs.

The old gentleman said, "Oh no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."

The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, "It's his turn with the teeth."