The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

[LadyEye]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Oh this poor golfer .... what a sin .... lol ... (give him a thumbs up, lol)

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning.

The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball

headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.



The ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands

together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll

around in obvious agony.





The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize.

"Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I

could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him earnestly.



"Ummph, oooh, noooo... I'll be fine in a few minutes", he replied

breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his

hands together at his crotch.



But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She

gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened

his pants, and put her hands inside. She began to massage his

privates.



She then asked him, "How does that feel?"



He replied still in agony, "It feels great, but it doesn't do a

thing for my thumb. It still hurts like hell!"

[Astraltraveller]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Nice ones Holly......you never stop to amaze us.......lmao

[Dream Lady]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Super jokes everyone!! Heres a little one...

THE 5 STAGES OF A FEMALE'S LIFE
1. To Grow Up
2. To Fill Out
3. To Slim Down
4. To Hold It In
AND
5. To Hell with it

[SChajin]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

I love them all

[bill2006]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked,
"Is It true theys suin them cigarette companies fer causin People to git cancer ?"
"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.
"And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants fer makin th em fat an cloggin their arteries with all Them burgers an fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?"
"Sure is, Bubba."
"And that lady sued McDonalds for millions when she was gave that hot coffee that she ordered?"
"Yep."
"And that football player sued that university when he gradiated and still couldn't read?"
"That's right," said the lawyer."
"But why are you asking?"
"Well, I was thinkin .. . . What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser fer all them ugly women I slept with?"

[choco777]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Good one Bill!

[larazovich]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Ovulation Study Results.

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that
the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged
and masculine features.

If she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and duct tape over his mouth while he is on fire.

No further studies expected

[asirimarco]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Super jokes everyone!! Heres a little one...

THE 5 STAGES OF A FEMALE'S LIFE
1. To Grow Up
2. To Fill Out
3. To Slim Down
4. To Hold It In
AND
5. To Hell with it

IT is SOOO great to reach stage 5!

[circuspet.com]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked,
"Is It true theys suin them cigarette companies fer causin People to git cancer ?"
"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.
"And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants fer makin th em fat an cloggin their arteries with all Them burgers an fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?"
"Sure is, Bubba."
"And that lady sued McDonalds for millions when she was gave that hot coffee that she ordered?"
"Yep."
"And that football player sued that university when he gradiated and still couldn't read?"
"That's right," said the lawyer."
"But why are you asking?"
"Well, I was thinkin .. . . What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser fer all them ugly women I slept with?"

Do you have the name of that lawyer

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Do you have the name of that lawyer

Just because he can spell and speak in complete sentences? Come on, Rob.....wait until you hear his answer to Bubbas' question at least!

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.


An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.... The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?" "There's something wrong with my d*** <edited: tallywhacker>", he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

The Receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private."

The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone!" The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes??"

"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"

"I can't pee out of it," he replied.

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes &amp; More!

OK Rob, here's another lawyer joke just for you:

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s.
"May I help you?" she asked.
"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.
"No. I must see Valerie," was the man's reply.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $1,000 a visit.

Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten one-hundred dollar bills, gave them to Valerie, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that none had ever come back two nights in a row--too expensive--and there were no discounts. The price was still $1,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie questioned the man. "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.
The man replied, "South Carolina."
"Really" she said. "I have family in South Carolina."
"I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $3,000 inheritance."


The moral of the story is that there are three things in life that are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer

[bill2006]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes &amp; More!

Very good

[LadyEye]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes &amp; More!

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their
usual park bench one morning.
The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and
wasn't even short of breath.

The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's! stamina
and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said "Well, I eat rye bread every day.
It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great
stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the
bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he
needed any help. He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"


She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you
like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves.

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves..by the time you get
to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard"

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody in the
world knows about this but me."

[LadyEye]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes &amp; More!

The Reverend John Fluff was the pastor in a small town in Ireland. One day he was walking down the high street when he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer.The Reverend wasn't happy!
He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman. "Miss Fitzgerald," he said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?"
"Sure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.
When Miss Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The Reverend realized that she'd had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few moments, the Reverend wound up on top of Miss Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.

The pub landlord looked over and said, "Oy mate, we won't have any of that carrying on in this pub."

The Reverend looked up at the landlord and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Fluff."

The landlord nodded and said, "Ah well, if you're that far in, ye might as well finish."