The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

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  • C L
    General

    • Jul 2006
    • 5561

    #31
    Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

    lol, lots of laughs in this thread.........good ones!

    Comment

    • C L
      General

      • Jul 2006
      • 5561

      #32
      Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!



      "Child Proofing"

      Comment

      • Vasili
        Moderator

        • Mar 2006
        • 14683

        #33
        Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

        Originally posted by C L


        "Child Proofing"
        Must've been a big sale at the mall???
        . VodaWebs....Luxury Group
        * Success Is Potential Realized *

        Comment

        • LadyEye
          General & Forum Moderator

          • Jun 2006
          • 10526

          #34
          Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

          The Knob .... careful ladies .... lol

          A woman visited her plastic surgeon who told her about a new
          procedure called "The Knob," where a small knob is placed at the
          top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin
          and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift. Of course, the
          woman wanted "The Knob."
          Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and
          the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and
          vibrant.

          After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two
          problems.

          All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had
          to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But
          now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these
          terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them."

          The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags,
          those are your boobs."
          She said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the
          goatee."

          lol ...........

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          • Dori
            Lieutenant Colonel

            • Sep 2006
            • 581

            #35
            Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

            Originally posted by LadyEye
            The Knob .... careful ladies .... lol

            A woman visited her plastic surgeon who told her about a new
            procedure called "The Knob," where a small knob is placed at the
            top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin
            and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift. Of course, the
            woman wanted "The Knob."
            Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and
            the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and
            vibrant.

            After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two
            problems.

            All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had
            to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But
            now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these
            terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them."

            The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags,
            those are your boobs."
            She said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the
            goatee."

            lol ...........
            ROFLMAO
            Naturally Yours,
            Dori
            www.earthelixirs.com
            www.earthelixirsinc.com
            www.mineralmakeupdiva.com
            www.virtualdesigndiva.com
            www.enhancemineralcosmetics.com

            Comment

            • Dream Lady
              Major General

              • Feb 2006
              • 2036

              #36
              Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

              Negative People:
              This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less makes your life miserable.


              A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her boyfriend. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome.


              So, how are you getting there?"
              "We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
              "Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late.


              So, where are you staying in Rome?"
              "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."
              "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced.


              Whatcha doing when you get there?"
              "We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser." You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."


              A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome. "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class.


              The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old
              steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great. They'd
              just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"


              "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "That's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a ***** Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked
              through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."



              "Oh, really! What'd he say?"
              "He said, 'Where'd you get the ****ty hairdo?'"
              Cindy Smentowski

              Comment

              • Vasili
                Moderator

                • Mar 2006
                • 14683

                #37
                Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

                The hairdo was hiding her Knob???
                . VodaWebs....Luxury Group
                * Success Is Potential Realized *

                Comment

                • LadyEye
                  General & Forum Moderator

                  • Jun 2006
                  • 10526

                  #38
                  Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

                  From the Good Fairy to You 'All .... :)


                  http://i87.photobucket.com/albums/k1...g?t=1169227420

                  VodaHost

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                  291916438 / Australia

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                  Comment

                  • LadyEye
                    General & Forum Moderator

                    • Jun 2006
                    • 10526

                    #39
                    Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

                    Wet Pants


                    Come with me to a third grade classroom... ..

                    There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there
                    is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet. He thinks
                    his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how this has
                    happened.

                    It has never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find out he
                    will never hear the end of it. When the girls find out, they'll never speak
                    to him again as long as he lives.

                    The boy believes his heart is going to stop. He puts his head down and
                    prays this prayer,

                    "Dear God, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes from now I'm
                    dead meat."

                    He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her
                    eyes that says he has been discovered.

                    As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named Susie is carrying a
                    goldfish bowl that is filled with water. Susie trips in front of the
                    teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the boy's lap.

                    The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is saying to himself,
                    "Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!"

                    Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of ridicule, the boy is
                    the object of sympathy.

                    The teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym shorts to put on while
                    his pants dry out.

                    All the other children are on their hands and knees cleaning up around his
                    desk.

                    The sympathy is wonderful, but as life would have it, the ridicule that
                    should have been his has been transferred to someone else - Susie.

                    She tries to help, but they tell her to get out. You've done enough, you
                    klutz!"

                    Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting for the bus, the boy
                    walks over to Susie and whispers, "You did that on purpose, didn't you?"

                    Susie whispers back, "I wet my pants once too."

                    May God help us see the opportunities that are always around us to do good.

                    Remember.... .Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more
                    than standing in your garage makes you a car.

                    I not only love the story --- I love this last quote!

                    I hope that in the coming years there will be many people with fish bowls
                    around me.


                    --
                    People will forget what you said,
                    People will forget what you did,
                    But people will never forget
                    How you made them feel.

                    VodaHost

                    Your Website People!
                    1-302-283-3777 North America / International
                    02036089024 / United Kingdom
                    291916438 / Australia

                    ------------------------

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                    Web Hosting - Unlimited disk space & bandwidth.

                    Reseller Hosting - Start your own web hosting business.

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                    Comment

                    • choco777
                      Brigadier General

                      • Apr 2006
                      • 1526

                      #40
                      Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

                      Love the "knob" LE. well I guess that sounds o.k.
                      Choco777
                      www.mayatabasco.com


                      Comment

                      • Vasili
                        Moderator

                        • Mar 2006
                        • 14683

                        #41
                        Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

                        Originally posted by LadyEye
                        --
                        People will forget what you said,
                        People will forget what you did,
                        But people will never forget
                        How you made them feel.
                        So very true, and so simple it is mostly ignored....
                        I often measure my actions by asking if it will matter in 100 years, and unless it positively impacts others and becomes a living enhancement, there probably won't be any residual benefit and is not a big deal......

                        Thanks, Holly!
                        . VodaWebs....Luxury Group
                        * Success Is Potential Realized *

                        Comment

                        • larazovich
                          General

                          • Jul 2006
                          • 5811

                          #42
                          Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

                          Subject: State Trooper
                          In most of the United States, there is a policy of checking on any stalled vehicle on the highway when the temperatures drop down to single digits or below.

                          About 3 AM, one very cold morning, Trooper Allan Nixon #658 responded to a call there was a car off the shoulder of the road outside Shattuck. He located the car, stuck in deep snow, and with the engine still running.

                          Pulling in behind the car with his emergency lights on, the Trooper walked to the driver's door to find an older man passed out behind the wheel with a nearly empty vodka bottle on the seat beside him.

                          The driver came awake when the Trooper tapped on the window. Seeing the rotating lights in his rearview mirror, and the State Trooper standing next to his car, the man panicked.

                          He jerked the gearshift into 'drive' and hit the gas. The car's speedometer was showing 20-30-40 and then 50 mph, but it was still stuck in the snow, wheels spinning.

                          Trooper Nixon, having a sense of humor, began running in place next to the speeding, but still stationary car. The driver was Totally freaked, thinking the Trooper was actually keeping up with him.

                          This goes on for about 30 seconds, then the Trooper yelled, "Pull over!"

                          The man obeyed, turned his wheel and stopped the engine.

                          Needless to say, the man from Dumas, Texas was arrested, and is probably still shaking his head over the State Trooper in Oklahoma who could run 50 miles per hour.

                          Who says Trooper's don't have a sense of humor?
                          Liz
                          www.sebastopolparty.com
                          www.raynordescendents.com

                          Ring the bells that still can ring

                          Comment

                          • LadyEye
                            General & Forum Moderator

                            • Jun 2006
                            • 10526

                            #43
                            Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

                            yw Vasili ... tis true though isn't it! .... 100 years ... oh my ... I think that's about 95 more than the standard isn't it?


                            That's a funny one Liz ...

                            VodaHost

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                            • Vasili
                              Moderator

                              • Mar 2006
                              • 14683

                              #44
                              Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

                              She's got a million of 'em, I'm sure!
                              . VodaWebs....Luxury Group
                              * Success Is Potential Realized *

                              Comment

                              • LadyEye
                                General & Forum Moderator

                                • Jun 2006
                                • 10526

                                #45
                                Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

                                Sharing everything

                                A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.

                                The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs.

                                The old gentleman said, "Oh no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."

                                The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, "It's his turn with the teeth."

                                VodaHost

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                                Reseller Hosting - Start your own web hosting business.

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