The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

I still sense a lingering delectibility of garlic wine sauce from my Birthday Dinner.....had me swimps, special seaweed-scallop striped ravioli, a few pieces of fanciful bread with an outstanding fresh-from-scratch Ceasar slad, with a cheescake concotion drizzled with rasberry sauce for dessert......needless to say, I left the office sideways (had to squeeze through the door), then waddled home with a smile so wide it tripped passers-by!

Isn't that so, m'Lady???

Thank You again, truly......

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Now that we are into May, and looking forward to Mother's Day, maybe instead of "funny's" we might post some recollections of growing up with Mom and some moments that we remember especially that made us smile, even unto today??

[LadyEye]

Sunday, May 13th - Mother's Day

God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers, in many different languages!

French - Mere
German - Mutter
Hindi - Maji
Urdu - Ammee
English - Mom, Mummy, Mother
Italian - Madre
Portuguese - Mãe
Albanian - Mëmë; Nënë; Burim; Kryemurgeshë
Belarusan - Matka
Cebuano - Inahan; Nanay
Serbian - Majka
Czech - Abatyse
Dutch - Moeder; Moer
Estonian - Ema
Frisian - Emo, Emä, Kantaäiti, Äiti
Greek - Màna
Hawaiian - Makuahine
Hungarian - Anya, Fu
Ilongo - Iloy; Nanay; Nay
Indonesian - Induk, Ibu, Biang, Nyokap

[LadyEye]

My Mother as Owe - nee One!

It's a very small and simple thing really, but means much more to me, as she is the Owe - Nee One!

My Mom - The One and Owe - Nee!

Throughout the years we've spent much time together, even enjoying simple things like playing Scrabble. We'd play for hours, and sometimes days and those days would turn into nights. So one particular evening after about 17 hours of straight scrabble, lol, we tried to make a word out of the letters O N E - well neither of us could figure what that spelled ... at unbelievably, the very same time, we both looked at each other and said "OWE -NEE" lol ... and we will laugh, forever and a day about this simple cherished moment!

That's right, my mother is MY One and Owe - Nee Mom!!

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

That was very special....wow!

[larazovich]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

That was very special....wow!

Well, my mom always says to speak to the highest place in you can find in a person, and to always speak from the highest place you can find in yourself.
Works a treat, I say.

[LadyEye]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Well, my mom always says to speak to the highest place in you can find in a person, and to always speak from the highest place you can find in yourself.
Works a treat, I say.

And Liz, aren't Mothers always right!

[LadyEye]

Before I was a Mom

Before I was a Mom
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom-I had never been:
Puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put
them down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I
couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so
much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so
important and happy.

Before I was a Mom
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10
minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache,
the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a
Mom.

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Before I was a Dad, I was a Mother.....at least that's what all my men in my platoon said!

Honestly, they called me "Patton" not just because I was a tough Sargeant, but because they appreciated how their training delivered them better skills and privileges, and for the fact they would do anything I asked based on their respect for me. Works both ways, leadership does....

[WSBlue]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well
until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him
if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick."
The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would
depend on the circumstances, and asked him the
following questions:
LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"
POLE: "JA, JA, acre and half and nice little home."
LAWYER: "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
POLE: "It made of concrete."
LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLE: "No, we have carport, and not need one."
LAWYER: "I mean, What are your relations like?"
POLE: "All my relations still in Poland."
LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLE: "Ja, we have hi-fidelity stereo set and good DVD player."
LAWYER: Does your wife beat you up?"
POLE: "No, I always up before her."
LAWYER: "Is your wife a nagger?"
POLE: "No, she white."
LAWYER: "WHY do you want this divorce?"
POLE: "She going to kill me."
LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"
POLE: "I got proof.
LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"
POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore
and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say, 'Polish Remover'

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

How to Make a Woman Happy



It's not difficult to make a woman happy.

A man only needs to be:


1. a friend

2. a companion

3. a lover

4. a brother

5. a father

6. a master

7. a chef

8. an electrician

9. a carpenter

10. a plumber

11. a mechanic

12. a decorator

13. a stylist

14. a sexologist

15. a gynecologist

16. a psychologist

17. a pest exterminator

18. a psychiatrist

19. a healer

20. a good listener

21. an organizer

22. a good father

23. very clean

24. sympathetic

25. athletic

26. warm

27. attentive

28. gallant

29. intelligent

30. funny

31. creative

32. tender

33. strong

34. understanding

35. tolerant

36. prudent

37. ambitious

38. capable

39. courageous


40. determined

41. true

42. dependable

43. passionate

44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly

46. love shopping

47. be honest

48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself

52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself

53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:

* birthdays

* anniversaries

* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked


2. Bring food


And if you want to make it really "special" bringing cold beer helps!

[LadyEye]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

GOTTA LOVE IT!!!!!

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Oh, yes........it's all good!

[LadyEye]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Oh, yes........it's all good!

hee hee .... So glad you see it my way Vasili ... lol

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Seeing is one thing....believing is another!

And, I believe I have something in store for you that will rock you to your soul.....