The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

[LadyEye]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Hear No Evil

See No Evil

Speak No Evil ...

lol


But Eye's A Believer ... lol And you better believe that whether you see it or not ... hee hee

Me tinks this is mumbo jumbo ... lol ...

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Gumbo?? I LOVE gumbo!
Geesh! I'm still here at the office......again??? Come on, m'Lady...let's go home so we can be ready for tomorrow......you'll have your tea, and I'll have my quadruple-espresso while we prune the email inbox.....

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Thank you for enjoying today's little "snack" m'Lady......tis a very good sign indeed!

[Dream Lady]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house.

She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to
see her daughter-in-law laying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music
was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Justin to come home from work," the daughter-in-law
answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Justin loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "Every time he
sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for
hours."

The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put
on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid
on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so
provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing, " he said, "What's for dinner?"

[WSBlue]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Mom: Don't keep sucking your thumb, it will get smaller.
Boy: You lie. You make Dad's get bigger. I saw last night.

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Good ones.....unfortunately, I have not prepared any for this quick visit, but will return this weekend with some goodies for the troops!

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Well.....took me a while, but I hooked up a home network on cable and functionalized my many emails addresses, so now that I do in fact have connection, I can start posting some of those promised funnies....thanks for your patience!

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

I'm back, and willing to see what all you have to post here...seems we need some righteous humor to lift our spirits.

(Things have sunk quite below the usual standards since I've walked the halls)

[LadyEye]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

I'm back, and willing to see what all you have to post here...seems we need some righteous humor to lift our spirits.

(Things have sunk quite below the usual standards since I've walked the halls)

Self righteous eh! hmmm .... I think this is a 60's burn-out ... kinda righteous .. yeah .. lol

http://www.switch.tv/videos/288

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Totally......."rank has it's privileges" they say, but it's more like knowing what you like and don't like.
And how much you are willing to tolerate. Be honest and prove to me that things have not deteriorated whatsoever, then, in the last 6 months even!

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

SHORT AND FUNNY
I dialed a number and got the following recording:

"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the Beep.
If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."

[Astraltraveller]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Handle every situation like a dog.

If you can't eat it or hump it.

Piss on it and walk away.


*********************************


A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min .

A beer shortens your life by 4 min .

A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!



I REST MY CASE!!!! I'm going home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out my wine.......She's such a b.....

[PennieNPence]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out my wine.......She's such a b.....

LOL...

NICE ONE!!!!

[C L]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

I've told this joke before........so funny, it belongs in this thread....lol


DEAR DIARY:

AUG.1
Moved to our new home in Newfoundland. It is so beautiful here. The people
are so nice. The town is so picturesque. Can hardly wait to see it covered
with snow.
I LOVE IT HERE!

Sept. 25
Newfoundland is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turning
all different colors. I love the shades of red and orange. Went for a ride
through the hills and saw some moose. They are so big and graceful.
Certainly they are the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be
paradise.
I LOVE IT HERE!

Oct. 1
Moose season is open now. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such an
elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and tranquility. Hope it will
snow soon.
I LOVE IT HERE!

DEC. 2
It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white.It
looked like a postcard. Went outside and cleaned snow off the steps and
shovelled the driveway. We had a snowball fight today (I won). When the
snowplow came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful
place. Mother Nature in perfect harmony.
I LOVE IT HERE!

DEC. 12
More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick again that
rascal. A winter wonderland.
I LOVE IT HERE!

DEC. 19
Snowed again last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work
this time. I'm exhausted from shoveling. F@#!ing Snowplow!

DEC. 22
More of that white **** fell last night. I've got blisters on my hands from
shoveling. I think the snowplow hides around the corner and waits until I'm
done shoveling.
That A#?hole!

DEC. 25
"White Christmas" my busted ass. Mother f@#!ing snow. If ever get my hands
on that s-o-b who drives that snowplow, I swear I will castrate the
dumb @#$!!???. Don't know why they don't use more salt on this f@#!ing ice.

DEC. 28
More of the same **** last night. Been inside since Christmas Day except for
when "Snowplow Harry" comes by. Can't go anywhere. The car is buried in a mountain of white ****. The weatherman says expect another 25 centimetres of this **** tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 25 centimetres is?

JAN. 1
Happy F@#?ing New Year. The weatherman was wrong (AGAIN).We got 60 f@#?ing centimetres of snow this time. At this rate it won't melt until the 1st of July. The snowplow got stuck down the road and **** for brains had the nerve to come to the door and ask to borrow my shovel. I told him I broke 6 shovels already, shoveling out the **** he plowed into my driveway. I brokethe 7th shovel over his f@#?ing head!

JAN.4
Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back a moose ran out in front of the car and I hit the f@#/er! Did about $3,000.00 damage to the car. Wish the hunters would have killed them all last September!

MAY 3
Took the car to the garage in town today. Would you believe the body is
rotting away from all the f@#?ing salt they keep dumping all over the roads. It really looks like a piece of ****!

MAY 10
Moved to Florida today. I can't imagine why anyone in their right f@#?ing
mind would want to live in the God forsaken Province of Newfoundland!