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Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!
gotta love those winter times...LOL Good one WItch
PS Its no accident I am in California...
gotta love those winter times...LOL Good one WItch
PS Its no accident I am in California...
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Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!
lol, Yeh & someday I'm coming to visit that sunny California & see all that good stuff.....and when you come to visit here, I'll have an extra snow suit for ya.......lolOriginally posted by larazovich View PostComment
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Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!
[quote=Vasili;160314]How to Make a Woman Happy
You're SO RIGHT General, now tell me, "where's that man?" I've been searching for all my life and send him to me before I get any older.
LOL
Where's Your Life Going? You might find some help here: http://www.ourjourneytolife.com/banners3.html
Who is Pristinelife? http://ourjourneytolife.com/aboutme.html
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Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!
I like that and was looking for a message. I hope you don't mind me using yours, General. LOLOriginally posted by Vasili View PostWhere's Your Life Going? You might find some help here: http://www.ourjourneytolife.com/banners3.html
Who is Pristinelife? http://ourjourneytolife.com/aboutme.html
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Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!
What I learned on the internet...
SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTERI NOW HAVE TO:::..............
I have to scrub the top of every can I open.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans .
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with an infected needle.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...
Have a wonderful day....
Where's Your Life Going? You might find some help here: http://www.ourjourneytolife.com/banners3.html
Who is Pristinelife? http://ourjourneytolife.com/aboutme.html
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Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!
General Ladyeye has first dibs......as soon as the snow melts and the rain stops so the train can get through, I hear.......when is that supposed to be, Robyn??? 2012???Originally posted by pristinelife View PostYou're SO RIGHT General, now tell me, "where's that man?" I've been searching for all my life and send him to me before I get any older. LOL
LOL
Wonders never cease.....apparently, things are a-brewing....Comment
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Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!
Three Old Guys
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60 year old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out."
"Ah, that's nothing," said the 70-year-old man. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all!"
"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
"No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock, no problem at all."
"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?" asked the 70-year old.
"No, I have one every morning at 6:30."
Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and **** every morning at 6:30. So, what's so bad about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00."
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Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!
Brewing & Unthaw-ing.........lolOriginally posted by Vasili View PostComment
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Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!
A crusty old biker, on a summer ride in the country, walks into a tavern and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH : $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive women serving drinks to a meager looking group of farmers.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the biker, "are you the young lady who gives the hand-jobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."
The old biker replies, "Look here, wench, you better wash your hands really good because I am really hungry and I want a cheeseburger!"Comment
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Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!
Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Lowes when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a red halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"
The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."Comment
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Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!
Thanksgiving is coming up, right?
I dreamt that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me around. We walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels.
My angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said, "This Is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to God said in prayer are Received."
I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and s****s from people all over the world.
Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section.
The angel then said to me, "This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them."
I noticed again how busy it was there. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth
Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped at the Door of a very small station To my great surprise, only one angel was Seated there, idly doing nothing. "This is the Aknowledgment Section," My angel friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed embarrassed "How Is it that there is no work going on here?" I asked.
"So sad," the angel sighed. "After people receive the blessings that they asked For, very few send back acknowledgments ."
"How does one acknowledge God's blessings?" I asked.
"Simple," the angel answered. Just say, "Thank you, Lord."
"What blessings should they acknowledge?" I asked.
"If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep you are richer than 75% of this world. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy ."
"And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity."
Also ......
" If you woke up this morning with more health than illness ... You are more blessed than the many who will not even survive this day ."
"If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation .. You are ahead of 700 million people in the world."
"If you can attend a church, synagogue or mosque without the fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death you are envied by, and more blessed than, three billion people
In the world ."
"If your parents are still alive and still married ...you are very rare ."
"If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you're unique to all those in doubt and despair."
Ok, what now? How can I start? Remember to say "Thank You" and actually say it......Comment
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Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!
Did they find a way to remove the treptifan from turkey yet?
This year, I want to enjoy a special meal without crashing 20 minutes afterward....Comment
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Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!
Dream on, m'dear ...Originally posted by Vasili View PostComment
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Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!
Shucks! I gues it's another year of undressing after eating the dressing.....
LOLComment
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Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!
Could be solved by wearing a burnouse ...Originally posted by Vasili View PostComment
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