The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Could be solved by wearing a burnouse ...

Sorry....I may indeed have a great vocabulary, but I have no idea of what a "burnouse" is, or where a dictionary is to look it up!

Whatever it is, it sounds like it should be uncomfotable anyway, so I think I'll pass......
LOLOL

[larazovich]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Sorry....I may indeed have a great vocabulary, but I have no idea of what a "burnouse" is, or where a dictionary is to look it up!

Whatever it is, it sounds like it should be uncomfotable anyway, so I think I'll pass......
LOLOL

probably spelled it wrong, but it is a wonderful flowing thing, desert wear initially, most likely..
way way comfortable.. You would look quite exotic in it..


"a long hooded cloak woven of wool in one piece, worn by Arabs and Moors"

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

FW: Craigslist Post - Wall Street Analysis of Gold Diggers

The response to the inquiry is the best, so read the whole thing.

THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG'S LIST


What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy.

I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right?
How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

-Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms
-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings
-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?
- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?
- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do theyhang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking forMARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 432279810




THE ANSWER

Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.


Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a ****py business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way.

Classic "pump and dump."


I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

[limebrook1]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

I enjoyed that Vasili! Fantastic! LOL

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

For a mere quarter I'll do a cartwheel!


Thing is, I don't have any coin to make change, so I think it is averaging around a dollar a turn! LOLOL

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy . There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy . If the Pope won, they would have to leave or convert.

The Jewish people met and picked the aged, but wise, Rabbi Moshe to represent them in the debate. However, as Moshe spoke no Italian and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they all agreed that it would be a silent debate.

On the chosen day, the Pope and Rabbi Moshe sat opposite each other.

The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

Rabbi Moshe looked back and raised one finger.

Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.

Rabbi Moshe pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.

Rabbi Moshe pulled out an *****.

With that, the Pope stood up and declared that he was beaten, that Rabbi Moshe was too clever and that the Jews could stay in Italy

Later, the Cardinals met with the Pope, asking what had happened.

The Pope said, "First, I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there is still only one God common to both our beliefs."

"Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us."
"I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an ***** to remind me of the original sin."
" He had me beaten at my every move and I could not continue."

Meanwhile..the Jewish community was gathered around Rabbi Moshe. How did you win the debate?" they asked.
" I haven't a clue," said Moshe. "First he said to me that we had three days to get out of Italy , so I gave him the finger!"

"Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I said to him we're staying right here."
"And then what?" asked a woman.

"Who knows?" said Moshe, "He took out his lunch so I took out mine."

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Now that Halloween is over, is it time to resume our smiling like we are on something or what?

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

A drunken cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge.

The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Once again, the cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally they summoned the police.

The Texas Ranger surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"

"Fred," the cowboy moaned.

"Where ya from, Fred?" asked the Ranger.

With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Fred replied, "...the balcony..."

[Astraltraveller]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS...

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at
him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where
he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to
his wife and says,

"My G-d, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to
on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly,

"No, I'm your son's teacher."

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

So....I guess it's "detention"?

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Hmmm....why all the frowns? No one is telling jokes this week?

[Astraltraveller]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Facelift........

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday

She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper.

Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking,
but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32," is the reply.

"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl
the very same question.

The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."

The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on
her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and
asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."

Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to
her the same question.

He replies,"I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young,
there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was.

It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under
your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best
of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very
slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently
pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against
each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old am I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says,
"Madam, you are 50."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you
tell?"

The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"

"I promise I won't," she says.

"I was behind you in McDonald's."

[Astraltraveller]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Alaskan hospitality......

Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally sick ofthe stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far
from humanity as possible.

He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.
Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks
on His door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.

''Name's Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having
a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come, at
about 5:00."

"Great", says Tom, "After six months out here I'm ready to meet
some local folks. Thank you ."

As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you, be some drinkin'."

"Not a problem," says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can
drink with the best of 'em."

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More'n' likely
gonna be some fightin' too."

"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there.
Thanks again."

"More'n likely be some wild sex, too,"

"Now that's really not a problem," says Tom, warming to the idea.
"I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By The
way, what should I wear?"

"Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us."

[sedona]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Funniest line on the page....
Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not."
Thanks DreamLady - a very good laugh!

[pioneerVicki]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

This is from a friend in her ninties. It's about an old lady with 4 boyfriends.
She never know when Al Semsier will call,
she only gets up each day because of Will power,
and because she lives with Arthur ritis,
she goes to bed each night with Johny Walker.