The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Well.....time for an update....

Any current funnies to make us smile??
(This is the Smile Factory remember!)

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

LOL....all the emails lately have been "slightly off-color" and I am therefore unable to post them here, but some of you are still chuckling, I hear.....

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

"Maybe later...."

Obviously the popularity of the new backyard toy presents unusual restrictions........

click thumbnail to view "once-in-a-lifteime" shot
.

[jcaywood]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father
died, Robert decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So
he went to a singles bar and he searched until he spotted
a woman whose beauty took his breath away.

"Right now, I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up
to her, "but within a month or two, my father will pass and
I'll inherit over 20 million dollars."

The woman went home with Robert, and four days later she
became his stepmother.

Men will never learn.
*******************
The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote section of West
Virginia. An old mountaineer and his young wife were getting a divorce
in the local court, but custody of the children was a problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since
she had brought the children into this world, she should retain
custody of them.

The old mountaineer also wanted custody of the children.

The judge asked for his side of the story and, after a long moment of
silence, the mountaineer slowly rose from his chair and said, "Judge,
when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out,
does it belong to me or the machine?"
*********************
Two strangers, a man and a woman, find themselves assigned to the same
sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially
embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they are tired and fall
asleep quickly—he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1 A.M., the man leans over and gently wakes the woman and says,
"Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach
into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," the woman replies. "Just for tonight, let's
pretend we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaims.

"Good," she replies. "Now, get your own damn blanket!"
*****

jcaywood

http://www.thegoofygiftshop.com

http://www.rhsclassof1965.com

[SAman]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Those are good!! Her's one I just got.

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

I don't get it...

[sedona]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch.
The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that the little boy is in
there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a football."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$750"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have football boots."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy - "$2250"
Man - "Sold."

A few days later, the boys' father says to the boy, "Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer.

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and boots."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy - "$3000"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that **** again. You're in my cupboard now."

[jcaywood]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

A lady walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some
cyanide right away. The pharmacist naturally was concerned by such a
request and asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explained that she needed it to poison her husband. The
pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "I can't give you cyanide to
kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license.
They'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will
happen! Absolutely not, you cannot have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her
husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now. You
didn't tell me you had a prescription."
****************************
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his blonde neighbor came
out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into
her house.

A little later she came out of his house again, went to the mailbox,
again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the
house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again.
She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed
harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which the blonde replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer
keeps telling me I have mail!"
*****************************
During a recent outing in New Orleans, a woman sneaked off
to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark
and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic
delivered grave news.

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt:
Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a
violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the fortune teller's
lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down
at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose
herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune
teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked,
"Will I be acquitted?"

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

[sandhyadhasal]

www.theeverlastingstory.com

Oh, Mr. V thats a good one!

Hi,

I liked your www.theeverlastingstory.com site and i am verymuch excited to do project like that.

Keep it up !

bye

Sandhya

[Almared]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

always draw a circle around the ones u love,never draw aheart because heart can be broken,but circle are never ending circle always will join love. with all my love

[jcaywood]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He
immediately turns to her and makes his move.

"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you
strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to
the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says the guy, smiling. "How about building web sites?"

"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me
ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
stuff -- grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns
out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do
you suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest
idea."

"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to
discuss building web sites when you don't know ****?"

[jcaywood]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

A girl from Texas and a girl from the North were seated side by side
on an airplane.

The girl from Texas, being friendly and all, said, "So, where ya'll
from?"

The northern girl said, "From a place where they know better than to
use a preposition at the end of a sentence."

The girl from Texas sat quietly for a few moments and then replied:
"So, where ya'll from, bitch?"

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Who farted? Was that you, Jay?

not nice, using language like that....

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

OK....time has passed, the air has cleared, and it's time for some new "funnies" to be posted.

Any newcomers have a smile to share??