The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

[zuriatman]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Wrong Email Address

A Minneapolis couple
decided to go to Florida to thaw out during
a particularly
icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their
honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult
to coordinate their travel schedules.

So the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the
following day.

The husband checked into the hotel.. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send
an email to his wife.

However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error,
sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral.
He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives
and friends.

After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room,
found his mother on the Floor and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Arrived

Date: February
11, 2009

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send
emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in.

I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you then!!!!

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

[ahimsa]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

nice one!
david

[ahimsa]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

......and then the fight started:

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’

I said, ‘Dust.’

And then the fight started…

________________________________________

My wife and I are watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”

“No,” she answered.

I then said, “Is that your final answer?”

She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, “Yes.”

So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”

And then the fight started.
________________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”

My loving wife of 10 years replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”

And that’s how the fight started…

________________________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’

I bought her some bathroom scales.

And then the fight started…

________________________________________

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive… so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started…

________________________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.’

And then the fight started….

________________________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’

Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’

‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started…

________________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. “I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.”

He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”

"Nah, she can order for herself.”

And then the fight started…

________________________________________

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’

The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’

And then the fight started…..

[ahimsa]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Author Unknown LOL



Most people nowadays think it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of 'those moments'.

One that I have found very effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride during which I say nothing and give the child the opportunity to reflect on his or her behaviour.

I don't know whether it's the steady vibration from the car, or just the time away from any distractions such as TV, Video Games, Computer, ****, etc.

Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together. I believe that eye to eye contact during these sessions is an important element in achieving the desired results.

I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.

[ahimsa]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

I guess there is too much going on in the Club to notice this thread, huh?

seems like it??

[rivast]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

If A Rooster Lays An Egg On The Ridge Of A Roof On A House On The Side Of A Hill. Which Is Facing East Which Side Will The Egg Roll Off?

ROOSTERS DON'T LAY EGGS!!

[WSBlue]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?"

The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a coupla blocks and turn to your right."

The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town. I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven."

The little boy replied with a chuckle. "Awww, come on, don't kid me..... you don't even know the way to the Post Office."

[rivast]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of Ápples. The nun made a note, and posted on the Ápple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the Ápples."

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Cute one!

[rivast]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Cute one!

Thanks!

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

Don't know if this is just a sick coincidence or if I'm getting paranoid, but .....

2007 - Chinese year of the chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia

2008 - Chinese year of the horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing.

2009 - Chinese year of the pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs/humans around the globe.

Next year......Oh no!

2010 - Chinese year of the cock - Tell me, what in the hell could possibly go wrong?

[rivast]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

LOL
Sounds like someone I know!

[royb]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!

I went to the doctors last week.
He said "I haven't seen you for ages"
I said " I know, i've been ill"

[Vasili]

Re: The Smile Factory :: VodaJokes & More!