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Irish Jokes......Sent to me by a good Irish friend of mine......Even he has a good sense of humor....lol
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Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an
important
Meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a
Parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life
and Give up me Irish Whiskey."
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one.
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Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man
he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall." Then the
priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest. Then Father
Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
'Toole said, "No, I don't Father.
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when
you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group
together to go on a trip right now."
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Paddy was in New York He was patiently waiting, and watching the
traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and
shouted, "Okay pedestrians." Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy went
over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics
across?"
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Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in
the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend
Finney.
"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"
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An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for
speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's
breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it
again!"
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Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a
stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."
Oh yeah?" said Charlie "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and
knees."
"Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken-****!"
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Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new
parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of
the beautiful day outside.
He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his
front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The exchange went
like this ...
"Good morning, this is Sergeant Muldoon. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St.
Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be
so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Sergeant Muldoon, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with
a smirk, "Well now father, it was always my impression that you people
took care of last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a moment.
Father O'Malley then replied, "Aye, tis certainly true, but we are
also obliged to notify the next of kin."
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************************************************** *************************
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an
important
Meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a
Parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life
and Give up me Irish Whiskey."
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man
he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall." Then the
priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest. Then Father
Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
'Toole said, "No, I don't Father.
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when
you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group
together to go on a trip right now."
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Paddy was in New York He was patiently waiting, and watching the
traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and
shouted, "Okay pedestrians." Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy went
over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics
across?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in
the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend
Finney.
"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"
- ----------------------------------------------------------------
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for
speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's
breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it
again!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a
stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."
Oh yeah?" said Charlie "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and
knees."
"Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken-****!"
----------------------------------------------------------------
Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new
parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of
the beautiful day outside.
He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his
front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The exchange went
like this ...
"Good morning, this is Sergeant Muldoon. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St.
Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be
so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Sergeant Muldoon, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with
a smirk, "Well now father, it was always my impression that you people
took care of last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a moment.
Father O'Malley then replied, "Aye, tis certainly true, but we are
also obliged to notify the next of kin."
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