Priceless ... if you want to grow old

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
  • Astraltraveller
    General

    • Jul 2006
    • 4006

    Priceless ... if you want to grow old

    Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

    _________________________________

    Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

    _______________________________

    The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

    __________________________________________________ ________

    I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

    ________________________________

    I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

    _______________________________

    An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.



    "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

    __________________________________________________ __________

    My memory's not as ***** as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as ***** as it used to be.

    ________________________________

    Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

    _______________________________

    It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

    ______________________________

    These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

    ______________________________

    Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.

    ________________________________

    --- THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

    __________________________________________________ ____________

    Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!

    Manny(THE ALIEN LEADER)
    Click Here to See the Vodaliens Album & Join the Club!! Sendyour personal photo to be alienated to the Vodalien Group


    www.astralengineering.net
    www.masqueradecreations.com
  • AmaDee
    Colonel

    • Jun 2006
    • 851

    #2
    Re: Priceless ... if you want to grow old

    good one...keep them coming!

    Comment

    • Astraltraveller
      General

      • Jul 2006
      • 4006

      #3
      Re: Priceless ... if you want to grow old

      Originally posted by AmaDee
      good one...keep them coming!
      I will as soon as I get more from some of my friends......lol....glad you guys enjoy them.....lol

      Manny(THE ALIEN LEADER)
      Click Here to See the Vodaliens Album & Join the Club!! Sendyour personal photo to be alienated to the Vodalien Group


      www.astralengineering.net
      www.masqueradecreations.com

      Comment

      • SAman
        Major General

        • Mar 2007
        • 2009

        #4
        Re: Priceless ... if you want to grow old

        Really good, except I 'm getting too close to some of those!!
        Mike

        Any excuse for non performance only weakens the charactor

        In God We Trust

        Comment

        • Astraltraveller
          General

          • Jul 2006
          • 4006

          #5
          Re: Priceless ... if you want to grow old

          Originally posted by SAman
          Really good, except I 'm getting too close to some of those!!

          Oh no!!!! you too?......don't tell me.....hee hee hee

          Manny(THE ALIEN LEADER)
          Click Here to See the Vodaliens Album & Join the Club!! Sendyour personal photo to be alienated to the Vodalien Group


          www.astralengineering.net
          www.masqueradecreations.com

          Comment

          • Mook25
            Brigadier General

            • Oct 2005
            • 1427

            #6
            Re: Priceless ... if you want to grow old

            LOL . Excellent stuff
            Arcade Ninja - Free Flash Arcade
            FreeGadget4me.Com - Learn how to get free gadgets delivered direct to your door for free

            Comment

            • davidundalicia
              General

              • Mar 2006
              • 6294

              #7
              Re: Priceless ... if you want to grow old

              Hey crazy man, this is for you....................


              Originally posted by Astraltraveller
              Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

              _________________________________

              Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

              _______________________________

              The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

              __________________________________________________ ________

              I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

              ________________________________

              I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

              _______________________________

              An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.



              "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

              __________________________________________________ __________

              My memory's not as ***** as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as ***** as it used to be.

              ________________________________

              Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

              _______________________________

              It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

              ______________________________

              These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

              ______________________________

              Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.

              ________________________________

              --- THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

              __________________________________________________ ____________

              Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!
              Have fun
              Regards..... David

              Step by Step Visual Tutorials for the complete beginner
              Newbies / Beginners Forum
              FREE Membership Login Scripts: - Meta Tags Analyzer
              My Social Networking Site - Free Contact Forms
              Finished your New website!! Now get it noticed Here:

              Comment

              • aconstas1
                Lieutenant Colonel

                • Mar 2007
                • 582

                #8
                Re: Priceless ... if you want to grow old

                A great remedy if you start feeling old.
                Best Regards,
                Alex
                Surveillance Systems
                Restaurant POS | Retail POS
                Free WoW Gold Guide

                Comment

                • ace5548
                  Major

                  • Aug 2006
                  • 351

                  #9
                  Re: Priceless ... if you want to grow old

                  Very good.
                  Simply Quit - Smoking

                  Comment

                  • C L
                    General

                    • Jul 2006
                    • 5561

                    #10
                    Re: Priceless ... if you want to grow old

                    lol Astral............funny

                    Comment

                    • choco777
                      Brigadier General

                      • Apr 2006
                      • 1526

                      #11
                      Re: Priceless ... if you want to grow old

                      Loved 'em!...not really worth going home....Great!
                      Choco777
                      www.mayatabasco.com


                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X