Hey there..

[Stroke.nz]

> > As another year will shortly be a memory, my heartfelt appreciation goes
> > out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me
> > "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe,
> > secure, blessed, and wealthy.
> >
> > Extra thanks for the ones that I have to open 15 times to get to the
> > message.
> >
> > Special thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat **** in the glue on
> > envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to
> > seal an envelope.
> >
> > Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. Because
> > of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove
> > toilet stains.
> >
> > I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
> >
> > I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
> > pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
> >
> > I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
> > water buffalo on a hot day.
> >
> > I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a
> > perfume sample and rob me.
> >
> > I no longer receive packages from, nor send packages by UPS, or FedEx,
> > since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
> >
> > I no longer answer the phone, because someone will ask me to dial a
> > number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica,Uganda,
> > Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
> >
> > I no longer eat KFC, because their "chickens" are actually horrible
> > mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
> >
> > I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my
> > free replacement pair from ****.
> >
> > I no longer worry about my soul, because at last count I have 363,214
> > angels looking out for me.
> >
> > Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
> > forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
> > minutes.
> >
> > I no longer have any savings, because I gave it to a sick girl who is
> > about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time)
> >
> > I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive
> > the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
> > their special email program.
> >
> > Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now
> > return the favor!
> >
> > If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7
> > minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your
> > head at 5:00 PM (EDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it
> > actually happened to a friend of mine's next door neighbor's
> > ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
> >
> > Have a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!*"*

[Stroke.nz]

I should have known!!

And for those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all the conflicting medical studies:


YOUR HEALTH



1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausage and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

[racefan20]

Re: Hey there..

LMAO! Good stuff, Dave! Nice to see you post again as well.

[MTMN]

Re: Hey there..

lol

[Girlonthehill]

Re: Hey there..

LMAO!!! Can't believe I missed this. Lol. Yes I know it's long but ya gotta read it :o))

[Stroke.nz]

What to wear....what to wear..

A black guy and his wife are invited to a fancy dress party. He tells
his wife to go and look for the costumes.

That night, when he gets back from work, he finds on the bed a SUPERMAN
costume. Shouting, he says to his wife: "What is this ? When have you
ever seen a black SUPERMAN ?"

The wife is upset and goes back to the shop to exchange it. When the
husband arrives, on the bed he sees a BATMAN costume and he shouts: "You
are mad woman. When have you seen a black BATMAN ? Go and change it for
something better."

The wife is now very annoyed, she returns the costume and buys various
things. On the bed she places 3 white buttons, a white belt and a wooden
pole.

When the husband returns and finds the objects on the bed, he says to
his wife:

"Whats this ?"

The wife responds: " Its so that you can choose your costume: if you
take off your clothes and stick the buttons to your body you can go as a
Domino. If you don't like that you can wear the white belt and go as an
Oreo biscuit, if your still not happy you can stick the pole up your
a**e and go as a MAGNUM"

[Girlonthehill]

Re: Hey there..

LMAO again!

[gueorgui]

Re: Hey there..

LMAO big time

[KJay_23]

Re: Hey there..

LMAO
Those are great Dave!