Raided your parrot parlour, *****!

[Girlonthehill]

A burglar sneaks in a dark bar...(after hours) and goes right to the cash register. A voice calls out, "GOD IS WATCHING YOU". He looks all around and sees nothing so returns to jimmying the cash drawer. Again, the voice says, "GOD IS WATCHING YOU". The burglar looks around and finally sees a parrot in a cage and says, "Oh, Hi Polly. You startled me." "Hey" said the parrot. "My name ain't Polly. It's John the Baptist." The burglar snorted, "Who in the world named you John the Baptist?". Parrot says, "The same guy who named that Rottweiler over there GOD!"

[VodaHost]

Re: Raided your parrot parlour, *****!

hmmm.....ok...is this Parrot Joke challenge??? I think it is....Ok..I'll be back!

[VodaHost]

The Parrot Strikes Back!

A lady is walking down the street to work and sees a parrot in a pet store. She stops to admire the bird. The parrot says to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot upon seeing her says, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now. The next day on the way to work she saw the same parrot and once again it said, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so furious that she stormed into the store and threatened to sue the store and have the bird killed. The store manager apologized profusely and promised the bird wouldn't say it again. The next day, when the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, "Hey lady." She paused, scowled with an icy and deadly stare, and said with a hoarse voice, "Yes?" The bird, strutting back and forth on its perch in a cocky manner, said, "You know."

[Girlonthehill]

Re: Raided your parrot parlour, *****!

Mmmmm. fifteen all. Take this....

A magician working on a cruise ship who performed mainly sleight of hand tricks. He had a regular spot on the ship's cabaret evening. He was quite a good magician, but his routines were regularly interupted by the ship's parrot who would fly around squawking and giving away his secrets like: "IT'S UP HIS SLEEVE, IT'S UP HIS SLEEVE!"or "IT'S IN HIS POCKET, IT'S IN HIS POCKET!"


The magician was getting pretty sick of this and threatened to sort the parrot out if it kept wrecking his act. The following evening right at the climax of his act, just as he was about to disappear in a puff of smoke, the ship hit an iceberg and sank within seconds.

Miraculously, the magician and the parrot were the only two survivors. The magician was clinging to a piece of driftwood in a daze. As he opened his eyes he could see the parrot watching him. The parrot sat there for hours just staring at him until eventually saying "OK, I give up, what did you do with the ship?"

[VodaHost]

Re: Raided your parrot parlour, *****!

Very, very good....but not good enough......

[VodaHost]

Praying Parrots

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." What do they say?" the priest inquired. They say 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'"

That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase...in time."

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!"

[Girlonthehill]

If Parrots Could Talk

Touche. Ok, try this one:

A lady was looking for a present for her husband Harry. She went to the only pet shop in town to buy one. The pet shop owner refused to sell her the one parrot he had.

"You don't want this one, it has lived in a brothel all its life."

"Yes, I must have it", said the wife. "Harry has wanted a parrot all his life, and this is a beautiful bird!"

"Thanks, gorgeous," said the parrot, and he was soon taken to the lady's house. She put him into the corner, covered him up, and waited until the party that night to show her husband his gift. When she uncovered the parrot, her husband was amazed. Then the parrot said.

"Nice house, better broads; oh, Hi, Harry!"

[VodaHost]

Bi-Lingual Parrot

So this guy goes into a pet store and sees a beautiful parrot but it has a blue string handing from one foot and a red one from the other. He thinks this is a little strange so he asks the shopkeeper what the strings are for. "Well this is a highly trained parrot" the shopkeeper replies. "If you pull the red string he talks in French, if you pull the blue string he talks in English". "Wow" exclaims the man shopping that's really neat "What happens if you pull them both at the same time?"

"I fall off my perch you idiot!" exclaims the parrot.

[Girlonthehill]

Re: Raided your parrot parlour, *****!

Great! I think we can call that a draw! Or we're really gonna start s****ing the old parrot barrel. Some top jokes there though. Tee hee hee. Thank you.