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  • scubadiver
    Lieutenant Colonel

    • Aug 2006
    • 553

    new home page

    Aloha, I have been trying to write an effective sales page on the home page. I could really use lots of feedback on this. Please give me your opinions and suggestions. I am open to anything. Thank you.
    www.hawaiionyourown.com
  • choco777
    Brigadier General

    • Apr 2006
    • 1526

    #2
    Re: new home page

    First, happy you safe did the EQ effect your area? The text is fine.. Maybe if you make list of the things such as safe money
    See sights 1,23 timers miss
    but it is o.k. maybe changing the font,size and sentence distribution the way it is layed out will help.
    Use your love for Hawaii when writing.
    I sent to pc thread a page on awstats meanings. It must have been deleted cannot find it. do you need it still?
    Choco777
    www.mayatabasco.com


    Comment

    • scubadiver
      Lieutenant Colonel

      • Aug 2006
      • 553

      #3
      Re: new home page

      Yes, the earthquake was 6.6, I was in the shower and rock'n rollin'. Yes, send me awstats meanings. I have receive a few humdred visitors since August and I am not registered with search engines.

      I have purosely laid out the text this way for emphasis. Is it okay to read or is it too wierd? I want to be different but effective. Would you buy the insider's guide from me? Would you stay on the website more than 30 seconds?
      www.hawaiionyourown.com

      Comment

      • choco777
        Brigadier General

        • Apr 2006
        • 1526

        #4
        Re: new home page

        Link is www.webmasterstop.com/47.html

        First do a google search for i p locator then check and see how many of those hits were you checking your site or other blue voda members going to you site.

        If you are not picked up by SE yet or you have not submitted the only person who can go to your site are the ones with the URL, or know the page names.

        Go to some travel sites join and while answer ing questions or? mention your site name I booked three tours this way in two months.

        The answer to you question on the text, it is you choice but not my preference. It is unique for you. I'll get back.
        Choco777
        www.mayatabasco.com


        Comment

        • choco777
          Brigadier General

          • Apr 2006
          • 1526

          #5
          Re: new home page

          Your text is fine. Just split it up. Tell them First .....you visit (adjective) Hawaii AND SAVE MONEY TOO! How?...list
          Let them know like I suggested to you before that YOU can take them exotic places others cannot. Make reference to short trips for those doing lay over on crusises, specials for military families visiting their GIs, at Hickum if still there....Promote. Promote and Promote some more. Remember YOU are the ONLY tour agency in Hawaii able to take them anyplace and every place, allow customized tours.
          Choco777
          www.mayatabasco.com


          Comment

          • Bethers
            Major General & Forum Moderator

            • Feb 2006
            • 5224

            #6
            Re: new home page

            Choco, she's been picked up already. And this isn't a tour agency - but a guide to be purchased.

            Please get rid of the centered text - very unprofessional looking - and I think I sent you a different headline - which you really need the whole thing if you want the se's to get the words you need them to get.

            And take off the "website under construction line" - not necessary.

            Let me know if you still want me to work on this?
            Beth
            A Child's Palace - Pinata Palace - Moxie Enterprises

            SEO and Marketing Tools
            SEO - The Basics

            Comment

            • choco777
              Brigadier General

              • Apr 2006
              • 1526

              #7
              Re: new home page

              She is as the word indicates the agent of her company one person or more. I said tour agencies in hawaii THAT is who she is competeing with, ones who offer meals, lodging, airfare...hard to be tour guide if you cannot get angencies prices. Doesn't work. Sorry for Butting in on YOUR work,bethers.
              Choco777
              www.mayatabasco.com


              Comment

              • Karen Mac
                General

                • Apr 2006
                • 8332

                #8
                Re: new home page

                Wow Scuba! I must say Im kinda shocked to see your site, after the work I seen that Bethers put into it and the time she took to help you. While you did take most of the text she helped you write, Im surprised that you disregarded all the rest of her insight and talent. I happened to see what she was working on, as I was helping her with some graphics for icons for your menu. I think at the very least you should say she helped you, and I agree with all the rest that the text needs to be aligned justified or to the left to look professional.

                Karen

                VodaHost

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                Comment

                • Bethers
                  Major General & Forum Moderator

                  • Feb 2006
                  • 5224

                  #9
                  Re: new home page

                  Oh, no Choco, you are not butting in - I misunderstood what you said about tour agency. Please keep making suggestions for her.
                  Beth
                  A Child's Palace - Pinata Palace - Moxie Enterprises

                  SEO and Marketing Tools
                  SEO - The Basics

                  Comment

                  • MadMermaid
                    Master Sergeant

                    • May 2006
                    • 63

                    #10
                    Re: new home page

                    Aloha
                    I'm with Beth on the centre text. also a bit of a scrol on the preview. Good luck with the guide.
                    John
                    http://www.madmermaids.com

                    Comment

                    • choco777
                      Brigadier General

                      • Apr 2006
                      • 1526

                      #11
                      Re: new home page

                      I was admonishing myself not you Bethers...Would never...You have helped me tooo Much...I seek out your posts for my own selfish.
                      Choco777
                      www.mayatabasco.com


                      Comment

                      • scubadiver
                        Lieutenant Colonel

                        • Aug 2006
                        • 553

                        #12
                        Re: new home page

                        Bethers, I appreciate all your help and I hope you are still working with me. I like your ideas and I have new ideas also. I didn't put in your header yet because I wasn't sure that that was the one I was going to use. I am very concerned with the sales letter. I told you that. I need this sales letterr to intice people to want to stay on my website and look further. I don't mean any disrespect. I hope you can you can understand.
                        www.hawaiionyourown.com

                        Comment

                        • Lgddesign01
                          First Sergeant

                          • May 2006
                          • 70

                          #13
                          Re: new home page

                          I don’t like the blue and the green combination. Power point has an awesome ocean scene. I have used it in many presentations. Just an idea. I am dying to go to Hawaii some day. Good luck.
                          David
                          David B
                          LGD Design Innovations
                          www.lgddesign.com
                          david.bennett@lgddesign.com

                          Comment

                          • ryanhitchings
                            Special Status

                            • Sep 2006
                            • 145

                            #14
                            Re: new home page

                            Hi

                            Comment

                            • Bethers
                              Major General & Forum Moderator

                              • Feb 2006
                              • 5224

                              #15
                              Re: new home page

                              OK, let's get back to the basics - and work with it offline before it gets changed 20 times in 10 days LOL - then you can ask for feedback!

                              David, I agree on the color combination - am working with changing the text (if it works) to blend with the background ocean color instead of clash with it.
                              Beth
                              A Child's Palace - Pinata Palace - Moxie Enterprises

                              SEO and Marketing Tools
                              SEO - The Basics

                              Comment

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