Check out my 1st Sales Letter !

[narobe]

Re: Check out my 1st Sales Letter !

Hello,
the problem I see with this
"Do You Want Your Child To Grow HEALTHILY For The Price Of A Pizza Per Year" It looks like you want to sell somthing cheap, and mixing up pizza donīt think its a good idea,
Parents want the best for there children and that doesnīt mean there going to pay lots of money for nothing but I wouldnīt even dare to find out more about what you even want to sell not for my kids. find the correct words to make confidence, give more information and work out more your presentation. Your page is too ...... cheap lets say it that way.
well its my opinion

[frictionmaster]

Re: Check out my 1st Sales Letter !

Call me jaded, but I think the net has evolved past that type of hype. My first impression - another ebook of yada yada yada for $20.00. Run away, run away! sorry,

[smcatering]

Re: Check out my 1st Sales Letter !

I have to agree with most of the above comments... As a businessman, I need to create an intrest before I make an offer. It needs to be straightforward, simple and to the point ("an offer I can't refuse").
At first I thought you had some kind of parental manual (like the one I wish I had when my twins were born), then It was related to child developement (as cheap as pizza) then back to parenting. Get my drift, I am confused about exactly what it is you are offering. I think you have the right idea, you just need to re-think the wording.
As always, we are more than willing to help and suggest what we think might work best for you...and it's free! Take advantage of this... I did and it made a world of difference for me.

[C L]

Re: Check out my 1st Sales Letter !

I am a bit leary when it comes to giving out my email address or any information, so I would agree with some of the other posts, more information is needed. Good efforts!

[AndreBell]

Re: Check out my 1st Sales Letter !

Hey Roger,
One good way to get real good, real quick is to find successful examples of copy you can emulate (not copy word-for-word).

I just came across this site and immediately thought of you (I'm in no way associated with the site, nor do I know any of the parties): http://www.increaseyourchildsiq.com/

I think if you print that sales letter then rewrite it by hand a couple of times 9not type it on your computer) you will gain a huge insight into what makes copy work online. Especially since it appears you are targeting the same market.

Oh, for everyone who wanted the report explaining how to fix the 32 Fatal Copywriting Mistakes everyone is making, but had troubles accessing the pdf, go to http://www.andrebell.com/32_copywriting_mistakes/

The complete report is now online and readable from your browser -- no need to buy or request the pdf version. Nothing requested in return and no web forms to fill out or other nonsense.

I've no idea how long I will leave the report available for free to the public, but it's there if you want to read it.

I hope something I posted here proves profitable.

Andre

[circuspet.com]

Re: Check out my 1st Sales Letter !

rogerloh:

I couldn't agree more with AndreBell, and if they are in this forum I know they would be happy to tell you how they did what you like.

[ryanhitchings]

Re: Check out my 1st Sales Letter !

I love it mate

[intiendes]

Re: Check out my 1st Sales Letter !

so plain .. it would be better if there is more designs on it .. rather just colors ... give it more kiddy touch ...