new sales page

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  • scubadiver
    Lieutenant Colonel

    • Aug 2006
    • 553

    new sales page

    Aloha, would you please read my "newindex" page and tell me what you think as a sales letter. Also, please read the "preview" and tell me if I am giving too much or too little away. I might be in the wrong forum with this.
    www.hawaiionyourown.com
  • ryanhitchings
    Special Status

    • Sep 2006
    • 145

    #2
    Re: new sales page

    Can't answer your question, I'm sorry! But great Website by the way! I'm looking foward to visiting your Hotel!

    Comment

    • bill2006
      Lieutenant General

      • May 2006
      • 3421

      #3
      Re: new sales page

      -Your photos overlap your text.
      -It does appear that you have offered too much info, consider what is left to encourage users to explore further and maybe reduce text and add a link. Something like "to read more click here"
      Bill
      www.blueearthtea.com
      www.ftaaconsulting.com
      www.iaval.com
      www.theemeraldbay.com

      Comment

      • Bethers
        Major General & Forum Moderator

        • Feb 2006
        • 5224

        #4
        Re: new sales page

        First - you need to make the words clickable that are your links - not just the pics above them! I don't think you have too much info there - but that shouldn't be an index page - but is better as an info page - and you can link to it in text on the home page with "reasons to visit Hawaii" or some such - and make it it's own page.
        Beth
        A Child's Palace - Pinata Palace - Moxie Enterprises

        SEO and Marketing Tools
        SEO - The Basics

        Comment

        • Nite Producer
          Lieutenant Colonel

          • May 2006
          • 593

          #5
          Re: new sales page

          1 the above feedbacks are great, follow 'em
          2 if you want to reduce the text which you better do, just put like for example as big title : Great idea to afford your stay in Hawai and then above it put a small text link read more or get more information. which will take to another page with all that information you got
          3 you should have your pages links in each page that will let visitors to navigate easely in your website.
          4 your index page looks great, but you need to give it more attractive elements like more photos.
          5 in your preview page you better edit your pics to give them a same look, cuz you have one withshadow and another with stroke etc etc.

          otherwise, very good job, I like what you are doing
          The Producer

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